Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Day 2 of The Fearless Living Challenge

In the last 9 months, I was dumped, moved, and (halfway) convinced myself that I was great. For a few months I was, able to ride the high of moving into a new, (emotionally) safe place to lead me to a place of (kinda false) confidence.
Until one day I woke up feeling like that girl in the horror movies that runs from the monster, loses him, then finds herself in the middle of the meadow, lost. So, like Jay-Z said, I had 99 problems, and even though being in the wrong relationship wasn't one, I still had 99 problems.
What do I do now? Who am I? (see how this question is a mainstay? lol) What do I want to do now that I am free(er) to choose?
This feeling had manifested itself into my being a fearful, almost bitter person. I could feel my insides turning, my aura, energy morphing into something heavy that I didn't even want to be around. I developed fear of people asking me how I was, because at the slightest prompt, the words of how I REALLY feel would come pouring out, and even though I didn't want to be seen as "poor little EVE", I was adding to that perspective by not doing my part to live my damned life.
Enter the Fearless Living Challenge. 30 days. 30 acts of kindness to myself. I am 33 fucking years old. I have learned a lot, and there is still a lot to learn. If I don't force myself to LIVE, to put myself where I want to be, I will soon be old, bitter,and angry. A closed mouth don't get fed, and this sista likes to eat. So, I'm grabbing shit by the lapels, and takin' mine.
Join me, and get yours too. Barack said it: YES, WE CAN!!!!!!!
What have I done so far?
* Start this blog, (thanks for the suggestion, Janelle!!)
* Accept that I have a LOT to work on right now.
* Tell a friend how much I appreciated his friendship, and how much of a part of my development he had been, maybe without even realizing it.
* Apply to be a part of a weight loss program - they took pictures of my stomach - GOOD LORD....

1 comment:

Janelle said...

You are oh so welcome, Eve.

I'm here, cheering you on during your 30 day Challenge. Pom poms and all!!! HOORAY!!! It's time...for a new EVE-O-LUTION!!!!!