I admit - it's getting tough after only 4 effin days! Today, I went with my girl to order her wedding dress - she was so beautiful! We also decided on the dress I will be wearing as the bridesmaid, and I love it! What I DON'T love is that it was suggested that I order a size 20 (uh huh...20) dress because of my ample bosom and bootay. The fitting room lady told me "you got junk in the trunk!" Her name is Sonia, and she was cool as a fan...I loved her! Panamanian posse...stand up! I told her we are going salsa dancing, and I have a feeling she will tear da club up....
So, I was measured, and the # around the breasts come to 44! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!? I am waiting on my period, so I have that extra water thang going on,and my breasts are tender as hell, but 44? I dunno abt that, but I believe allowing someone to convince me to order a size 20 dress is a damned fearless move. I'm a big girl, but I ain't no damned 20. (Shout out to all the 20's out there, though. I ain't hating, I'm just saying...)
So, in other important news, fearless act # 2 was not breaking out into rage when my son (I LOOOOOOOVE him - he is awesome and so great, even when he is a pain in my ass) told me that his dad has his chick waiting in the car when he dropped him off. I know some folks will be like "so?", but I am too third world for that shit. I don 't trust mofos. It's bad enough that before I moved out, he would let her know my movements, and she would come over when I was not there and chill with my son and him (!!!!! Yes, that bitch ass nigga did that shit - I don't give 2 fucks - that shit will burn for a minute), but now she knows where I live NOW??!?!?!? Yo - I feel major violation. Seriously.
I missed a party tonight. Folks know that a party ain't a party unless I run all through, upside and sideways in a club. I am tight, but looking forward to making the next one... Holla at me for info on that piece - from what I understand, it's a spot for folks like me, that like to dance. I will shake my ass like nobody's business, leave looking like a strobelight, and not give a FUUUUCK! I love the bassline @ a club with a sound system....
Nake told me this morning that McCain picked a woman for his VP. Some lady from Alaska. I dunno abt this one, MAC....
I am a bloated bitch right now, my titties hurt, I am PMS-ing, thinking about paying my rent next week, and the cable bill. I need to get Sen his school uniform, learn how to tie a tie, (although I might cheat and get his ass a clip on...LOL!) get some groceries, plan a bridal shower, attend an Obama event in the morning, be the best mom, sister, friend, lover (if I get some - another post for another day...), and woman I can be. All in the quest of living, dreaming, celebrating, and loving.
Eve A., still on Team Obama, and I'm out.... Change or bust!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Barack Obama
On day 3 of the Fearless Living Challenge, I watched Barack Obama give his acceptance speech for the Democratic party nominee for president. WOW. On the anniversary of the "I Have a Dream" speech. I'm sitting in awe of what happened during my lifetime. And Sen'ari's lifetime. While Sen ran around yelling "President Obama", I got closer to the television and watched a man tell me about his plaform,and I felt valued and heard as a mother, taxpayer, a person hopeful for the future, a dreamer, as an American.
It was an awesome moment,and I sooo hope he wins and is able to really affect change for the average person.
It was so fly to see a Black man reach that elusive place of respect and acceptance of his greatness.
I didn't really do anything fearless today, but I had a fearless thought - does that count?
For the first time in a long time, I became entranced in the magic of Black men. The real magic. That sweet, protective of sistas, Malcolm X type magic. It was awesome.
Evelyn A, writing from Team Barack.... I'm out.
It was an awesome moment,and I sooo hope he wins and is able to really affect change for the average person.
It was so fly to see a Black man reach that elusive place of respect and acceptance of his greatness.
I didn't really do anything fearless today, but I had a fearless thought - does that count?
For the first time in a long time, I became entranced in the magic of Black men. The real magic. That sweet, protective of sistas, Malcolm X type magic. It was awesome.
Evelyn A, writing from Team Barack.... I'm out.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Random Musings....
Woooow.... I had a whole list of musings, and seemed to have pressed a button that made it disappear. Wooow.... I'm hurt....
So, last night I listened to Hillary's speech, and I have to say, it was good. I have been prepared not to like her, but she is a powerful role model for women. Go Hil! (She STILL ain't no Michelle Obama, but one thing I am learning is to give credit where credit is due)
Had lunch w/ some of the girls today, and I feel happily inspired about our weight loss challenge. TRUST I will be HOTT(ER) by the end of the year. Believe that.
The job front is weak right now, but I am keeping hope alive.
The August G3 event is tomorrow, and I'm excited, and planning September's event. Go G3!
Today's fearless acts:
* I paid my electric bill - long story as to why it was scary, but not anymore - yaaay!
* I told a friend that his actions were upsetting to me, which was sad and liberating at the same time - the old me would have waited to not be upset anymore, and been hurt in the process. I'm hoping we can fix whatever is wrong, cause he is my pal and I would hate to have to cut his punk ass off (lol!), but I am learning to stand up for myself and my feelings.
* I agreed to go SHOPPING - the bane of my existence, after the weight loss challenge... I don't like to shop!
Til the next time...
So, last night I listened to Hillary's speech, and I have to say, it was good. I have been prepared not to like her, but she is a powerful role model for women. Go Hil! (She STILL ain't no Michelle Obama, but one thing I am learning is to give credit where credit is due)
Had lunch w/ some of the girls today, and I feel happily inspired about our weight loss challenge. TRUST I will be HOTT(ER) by the end of the year. Believe that.
The job front is weak right now, but I am keeping hope alive.
The August G3 event is tomorrow, and I'm excited, and planning September's event. Go G3!
Today's fearless acts:
* I paid my electric bill - long story as to why it was scary, but not anymore - yaaay!
* I told a friend that his actions were upsetting to me, which was sad and liberating at the same time - the old me would have waited to not be upset anymore, and been hurt in the process. I'm hoping we can fix whatever is wrong, cause he is my pal and I would hate to have to cut his punk ass off (lol!), but I am learning to stand up for myself and my feelings.
* I agreed to go SHOPPING - the bane of my existence, after the weight loss challenge... I don't like to shop!
Til the next time...
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Day 2 of The Fearless Living Challenge
In the last 9 months, I was dumped, moved, and (halfway) convinced myself that I was great. For a few months I was, able to ride the high of moving into a new, (emotionally) safe place to lead me to a place of (kinda false) confidence.
Until one day I woke up feeling like that girl in the horror movies that runs from the monster, loses him, then finds herself in the middle of the meadow, lost. So, like Jay-Z said, I had 99 problems, and even though being in the wrong relationship wasn't one, I still had 99 problems.
What do I do now? Who am I? (see how this question is a mainstay? lol) What do I want to do now that I am free(er) to choose?
This feeling had manifested itself into my being a fearful, almost bitter person. I could feel my insides turning, my aura, energy morphing into something heavy that I didn't even want to be around. I developed fear of people asking me how I was, because at the slightest prompt, the words of how I REALLY feel would come pouring out, and even though I didn't want to be seen as "poor little EVE", I was adding to that perspective by not doing my part to live my damned life.
Enter the Fearless Living Challenge. 30 days. 30 acts of kindness to myself. I am 33 fucking years old. I have learned a lot, and there is still a lot to learn. If I don't force myself to LIVE, to put myself where I want to be, I will soon be old, bitter,and angry. A closed mouth don't get fed, and this sista likes to eat. So, I'm grabbing shit by the lapels, and takin' mine.
Join me, and get yours too. Barack said it: YES, WE CAN!!!!!!!
What have I done so far?
* Start this blog, (thanks for the suggestion, Janelle!!)
* Accept that I have a LOT to work on right now.
* Tell a friend how much I appreciated his friendship, and how much of a part of my development he had been, maybe without even realizing it.
* Apply to be a part of a weight loss program - they took pictures of my stomach - GOOD LORD....
Until one day I woke up feeling like that girl in the horror movies that runs from the monster, loses him, then finds herself in the middle of the meadow, lost. So, like Jay-Z said, I had 99 problems, and even though being in the wrong relationship wasn't one, I still had 99 problems.
What do I do now? Who am I? (see how this question is a mainstay? lol) What do I want to do now that I am free(er) to choose?
This feeling had manifested itself into my being a fearful, almost bitter person. I could feel my insides turning, my aura, energy morphing into something heavy that I didn't even want to be around. I developed fear of people asking me how I was, because at the slightest prompt, the words of how I REALLY feel would come pouring out, and even though I didn't want to be seen as "poor little EVE", I was adding to that perspective by not doing my part to live my damned life.
Enter the Fearless Living Challenge. 30 days. 30 acts of kindness to myself. I am 33 fucking years old. I have learned a lot, and there is still a lot to learn. If I don't force myself to LIVE, to put myself where I want to be, I will soon be old, bitter,and angry. A closed mouth don't get fed, and this sista likes to eat. So, I'm grabbing shit by the lapels, and takin' mine.
Join me, and get yours too. Barack said it: YES, WE CAN!!!!!!!
What have I done so far?
* Start this blog, (thanks for the suggestion, Janelle!!)
* Accept that I have a LOT to work on right now.
* Tell a friend how much I appreciated his friendship, and how much of a part of my development he had been, maybe without even realizing it.
* Apply to be a part of a weight loss program - they took pictures of my stomach - GOOD LORD....
God is so Good!
You know how you watch an awards show and every single person thanks God for their award? Well, even though I ain't on TV, I am a star-ah in my own mind, and I too will join the ranks of folks thanking God for His many blessings at the start of this, my new blog, EVE-o-lution.
All jokes aside, I really am grateful, even on those days that I can't sleep, and the only words that seem to fall from my lips are "why, God, WHY?!?!?" The nights I have spent crying myself to sleep and praying for the morning I would wake up feeling lighter, less stressed, more refreshed and encouraged, I knew I was not alone.
Funniest shit is, I ain't even religious. I was the kid who hated religion class in school, and tried to have jokes when we had assembly in church at Unity Catholic (now St. Gregory - Crown Heights STAND UP!!!!).
It took me a long time to find that rhythm, that attitude of gratitude, develop a relationship with Him, the Notorious GOD. (now I know some of you will say I am using the word notorious incorrectly, but according to dictionary.com, in "1548, the word meant "publicly known," from M.L. notorius "well-known, commonly known,". Negative connotation arose 17c. from frequent association with derogatory nouns.
So there.
Right about now, you may be asking yourself, WHAT THE HELL is up with this chick? Who is she? What is she about? What will she be writing about? And the truth is, I don't really know. What I do know is that the last year has brought me the lowest lows and the highest highs, and instead of experiencing them only in my head, I decided to be true to my shy (yeah, right....well, sometimes...) self and post my thoughts, feelings, and experiences on the world wide web located at any computer near you.
So, just like my fellow thickum Jill Scott, I ask myself: Who is Evelyn A.? (can't have the full gov't out there yet - don't really know who's out there yet)
Everyday, I discover something new about who I am, and in these discoveries, large and small, I am evolving. Hence the name of this joint, EVE - o - lution.
Stay with me, people. Imma need some partners in this wild, crazy, sexy, scary, sad, and thrilling ride called life. All I wanna do is live, dream, celebrate, and love. Peacefully, happily, safely. A whole lot.
All jokes aside, I really am grateful, even on those days that I can't sleep, and the only words that seem to fall from my lips are "why, God, WHY?!?!?" The nights I have spent crying myself to sleep and praying for the morning I would wake up feeling lighter, less stressed, more refreshed and encouraged, I knew I was not alone.
Funniest shit is, I ain't even religious. I was the kid who hated religion class in school, and tried to have jokes when we had assembly in church at Unity Catholic (now St. Gregory - Crown Heights STAND UP!!!!).
It took me a long time to find that rhythm, that attitude of gratitude, develop a relationship with Him, the Notorious GOD. (now I know some of you will say I am using the word notorious incorrectly, but according to dictionary.com, in "1548, the word meant "publicly known," from M.L. notorius "well-known, commonly known,". Negative connotation arose 17c. from frequent association with derogatory nouns.
So there.
Right about now, you may be asking yourself, WHAT THE HELL is up with this chick? Who is she? What is she about? What will she be writing about? And the truth is, I don't really know. What I do know is that the last year has brought me the lowest lows and the highest highs, and instead of experiencing them only in my head, I decided to be true to my shy (yeah, right....well, sometimes...) self and post my thoughts, feelings, and experiences on the world wide web located at any computer near you.
So, just like my fellow thickum Jill Scott, I ask myself: Who is Evelyn A.? (can't have the full gov't out there yet - don't really know who's out there yet)
Everyday, I discover something new about who I am, and in these discoveries, large and small, I am evolving. Hence the name of this joint, EVE - o - lution.
Stay with me, people. Imma need some partners in this wild, crazy, sexy, scary, sad, and thrilling ride called life. All I wanna do is live, dream, celebrate, and love. Peacefully, happily, safely. A whole lot.
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